"Oh, sister Avon, I spilled that cosmetic sample you gave me all over the rug!"
"Don't worry sister Clumsy, I brought brother Betterware of the High Priest's quorum with me. He has a bottle of Celestial Suds that will mop it up in no time."
Monday, 15 October 2007
Thursday, 11 October 2007
Monday, 8 October 2007
How Many Christians...
Thank you Noemi for this.
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatics - 1 to change the bulb and 9 to pray against the spirit of darkness
Calvinists - none, God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not change lightbulbs, they simply read the instructions and pray the lightbulb will be the one that is chosen to be changed.
TV evangelists - Only 1, but for the message of light to continue please send your donation....
Christians from independent churches - Only 1, any more might result in too much co-operation
Roman Catholics - none, they always use candles
Anglicans - "Change???"
Baptists - 1 to actually change the bulb and 9 to say how they liked the old one better
Liberals - This statement was issued: we choose not to make a statement either in favour or against the need of a lightbulb. However, if in your journey you have found the lightbulb works for you then that's fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your lightbulb or light source or non-dark resource and present it next month to our annual lightbulb service in which we will explore a number of lightbulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, longlife and tinted - all of which equally valid paths to luminescence.
How many Christians does it take to change a light bulb?
Charismatics - 1 to change the bulb and 9 to pray against the spirit of darkness
Calvinists - none, God has predestined when the light will be on. Calvinists do not change lightbulbs, they simply read the instructions and pray the lightbulb will be the one that is chosen to be changed.
TV evangelists - Only 1, but for the message of light to continue please send your donation....
Christians from independent churches - Only 1, any more might result in too much co-operation
Roman Catholics - none, they always use candles
Anglicans - "Change???"
Baptists - 1 to actually change the bulb and 9 to say how they liked the old one better
Liberals - This statement was issued: we choose not to make a statement either in favour or against the need of a lightbulb. However, if in your journey you have found the lightbulb works for you then that's fine. You are invited to write a poem or compose a modern dance about your personal relationship with your lightbulb or light source or non-dark resource and present it next month to our annual lightbulb service in which we will explore a number of lightbulb traditions including incandescent, fluorescent, longlife and tinted - all of which equally valid paths to luminescence.
Saturday, 22 September 2007
Nine Words Women Use
My daughter sent me this and now I understand - not!
1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) NOTHING: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in "fine."
4.) GO AHEAD: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) LOUD SIGH: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinksyou are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) THANX: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) WHATEVER: Is a women's way of saying STUFF YOU!
9.) DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, I'VE GOT IT: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a manto do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.
Send this to the men you know, to warn them about argumentsthey can avoid if they remember theterminology.
Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh,cause they know it's true.
1.) FINE: This is the word women use to end an argument when they are right and you need to shut up.
2.) FIVE MINUTES: If she is getting dressed, this means a half an hour.Five minutes is only five minutes if you have just been given five more minutes to watch the game before helping around the house.
3.) NOTHING: This is the calm before the storm. This means something, and you should be on your toes. Arguments that begin with nothing usually end in "fine."
4.) GO AHEAD: This is a dare, not permission. Don't Do It!
5.) LOUD SIGH: This is actually a word, but is a non-verbal statement often misunderstood by men. A loud sigh means she thinksyou are an idiot and wonders why she is wasting her time standing here and arguing with you about nothing. (Refer back to #3 for the meaning of nothing.)
6.) THAT'S OKAY: This is one of the most dangerous statements a women can make to a man. That's okay means she wants to think long and hard before deciding how and when you will pay for your mistake.
7.) THANX: A woman is thanking you, do not question, or Faint. Just say you're welcome.
8.) WHATEVER: Is a women's way of saying STUFF YOU!
9.) DON'T WORRY ABOUT IT, I'VE GOT IT: Another dangerous statement, meaning this is something that a woman has told a manto do several times, but is now doing it herself. This will later result in a man asking "What's wrong?" For the woman's response refer to #3.
Send this to the men you know, to warn them about argumentsthey can avoid if they remember theterminology.
Send this to all the women you know to give them a good laugh,cause they know it's true.
Friday, 31 August 2007
Form and Substance
Thinking further about being in between churches at the moment and ‘visiting’, and struggling with an issue that has bothered me for some time. I know what and whom I believe, finding no problems with my faith as far as that goes. I am finding the whole churchgoing thing a problem however and think I may have put my finger on why.
There is a trend today toward the new, the innovative and much of what used to be ‘mainstream’ church is cast aside and considered ‘traditional’, as though it was merely form and lacked substance. This has resulted in a shallow church experience as people constantly seek God’s immanence through innovative and experimental worship but neglect God's established Word. My argument is that it is the form that gives shape to the substance and that the formless, liquid ambivalent experience that calls itself ‘church’ today is proven insubstantial for the very reason that it lacks form!
As an example, young people seem to have an ‘experience’ of God but haven’t the first idea about how to talk to him. They don’t know the thrill that a developed prayer vocabulary can give you when talking to God, often falling back on the old saw about the Spirit speaking for us when we run out of words (Romans 8:26). I observe that these days they run out of words because they had so few to begin with and, far from needing help from God's Holy Spirit, they need help from God's Holy Word to educate them in the profound language of prayer.
The names of God are not pressed into service, the exploits of God are not recounted, the declared purposes of God are not repeated, the prayers of God's people do not reflect the heart of God as revealed in Scripture.
Worse, when people come into church they are often disillusioned with the world but are often disappointed to find the world in the church! I think of the great cathedral builders who constructed edifices made to reflect the experience of stepping out of the kingdom of this world and stepping into the House of God. Is that our experience today? All too often the answer is no.
There is a trend today toward the new, the innovative and much of what used to be ‘mainstream’ church is cast aside and considered ‘traditional’, as though it was merely form and lacked substance. This has resulted in a shallow church experience as people constantly seek God’s immanence through innovative and experimental worship but neglect God's established Word. My argument is that it is the form that gives shape to the substance and that the formless, liquid ambivalent experience that calls itself ‘church’ today is proven insubstantial for the very reason that it lacks form!
As an example, young people seem to have an ‘experience’ of God but haven’t the first idea about how to talk to him. They don’t know the thrill that a developed prayer vocabulary can give you when talking to God, often falling back on the old saw about the Spirit speaking for us when we run out of words (Romans 8:26). I observe that these days they run out of words because they had so few to begin with and, far from needing help from God's Holy Spirit, they need help from God's Holy Word to educate them in the profound language of prayer.
The names of God are not pressed into service, the exploits of God are not recounted, the declared purposes of God are not repeated, the prayers of God's people do not reflect the heart of God as revealed in Scripture.
Worse, when people come into church they are often disillusioned with the world but are often disappointed to find the world in the church! I think of the great cathedral builders who constructed edifices made to reflect the experience of stepping out of the kingdom of this world and stepping into the House of God. Is that our experience today? All too often the answer is no.
Monday, 20 August 2007
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